Sunday, 23 November 2014

Who is that masked woman?!

Hack hack hack. The whole café seemed to peek and wince at Ms. Hacker every time she coughed with violence, except her friend who was oblivious to the direct wet hits on her face. When I realized with mild alarm that I was seated directly downwind and there were no more free tables indoors, I gathered up my coffee and journal with exaggerated calm, like a child in a school fire drill, and relocated to the patio, no big deal – it was only about 5C (41F), and although my coffee was no longer hot, if I sketched faster than usual with grand flourishes the exertions might help keep me warm.

I had just settled in when Ms. Hacker and her friend stumbled outside too. As they brushed past my table, she sniffled and smiled at me. I smiled back – I knew she was suffering. She had a kind face. And then she coughed straight into my naked eyes with gale force. I felt the rush of wind and light spray, which is lovely at the seaside but not as foul weather from her infectious phlegmy inner shores. She didn't even blink; I did, furiously. Which brings me to today's post…

Mask up, my friends!! 
If only one single, solitary post in Bag and a Beret 
were to go viral (hehe), 
I would hope it's this one.

10 Reasons to Wear a Face Mask When You Feel Like Crap
  1. Wearing a mask conceals a red chapped nose.
  2. Wearing a mask provides a shield you can hide behind when you're not feeling your best, like a little face blankie.
  3. Wearing a mask means you don't have to bother with makeup on the bottom half of your face. Men, you don't have to shave.
  4. Wearing a mask can be stylish, sort of, if you customize it (see below).
  5. Wearing a mask masks bad breath so you can eat lots of super-stinky food without worry.
  6. Wearing a mask will help keep your hands away from your nose and mouth, which may reduce the spread of germs on surfaces like doorknobs and stair rails. 
  7. Wearing a mask will free your hands up for other vital tasks such as playing with the remote control or pushing the button for room service or (if you're really sick) blogging.
  8. Wearing a mask will reduce your exposure to new germy airborne bits that might make your condition even more miserable.
  9. Wearing a mask warns others that you are not feeling your best so please be gentle and don't be surprised if you bite their heads off or fall asleep at your desk if that's not something you normally do.
  10. Wearing a mask is cool - it shows you care about the people around you. 
I've heard people say that wearing masks is only for those "other" countries, but I believe courtesy is appropriate wherever you live.

You might think wearing a mask is wimpy, and of course we have the right to spread our misery wherever we like, but not everyone has a strong immune system and not all things we catch these days are simple to shake off. A cheap mask won't protect you from incoming virus attacks, but at least it will keep your own private particulates to yourself. Gross. And it will put people in your vicinity at ease.

The masks I'm wearing in these photos cost about half a buck and are available in drug stores, probably department stores too. The pharmacist I talked to said you can wear one until it gets "damp," about a day. Lovely. The faces are drawn with Sharpies. I think I like plain, though. The Sharpies are stinky and I got ink on my knuckles.
I confess, I don't always wear my mask when I should, but I'm getting better at making it a habit. When I do wear one in Vancouver, people look at me funny. They think that I think I'm better than they are, that I'm afraid of catching their germs. The fools.

I'm hooking up to Patti's Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style because a mask is pretty visible. I've worn all these clothes this week, except the mask because I don't, touch wood, have a cold at the moment. See you there. I don't mind at all if you want to swipe the sidebar image.

Also, thank you, Sally of Already Pretty, for the mention in your Lovely Links on Friday. It's a great honour to be included in your eclectic lineup, which also includes a very funny video of west coasters eating Minnesotan food.


Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Do I dress to piss them off?

Yes, DEFINITELY, I sometimes dress not to rejoice in the unbearable beauty of a blue sky, fluffy clouds, pwitty flowers, blah, blah...drooling now, belch, fart, but merely to piss people off. YES! Shameful. Sinful! How can I write such blasphemy in a forum that CELEBRATES style? Take this example: If I'm forced to go to Banker Town, I'll violently yank my tutu and orange platforms outta' the closet damned quick for a little Piss Off Therapy. The verklemptitude I feel in that environment, I can't help but want to smack everyone I meet with tulle. Of course this is not about them, it's about me, and of course I don't piss anybody off - I give myself too much credit.

So, as weapons go, a tutu carries as much punch as, well, tulle, but being double-bound, double-loud in my style does makes me feel protected. It's my childish scream into the clockwork street - I AM NOT YOU! DON'T MAKE ME!! And ironically, while I may dress in a flurrious grumble, I usually wind up smiling and having as good a time in Banker Town as I do anywhere else, just don't make me hang out there unless I'm meeting my investment adviser over champers to discuss my new billion-dollar contract. That's sure to bring on quadruple tulle action with new triple-high platforms, mm-hmm.
This is not an outfit of anger. This is just an outfit. Full-on regular. But I feel like a rock and roll photographer with my camera and shoulder-slung bag. I wore this on my inspiration walk. Temperatures are dropping so I broke out the muppet roadkill coat, thrifted. My hair is light violet now too, due to the shampoo I'm using.

"Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you." 
Stuck In the Middle by Stealers Wheel. I'm the guy eating spaghetti. Groovtastic!!! You gotta' watch. (Actually, I'm stuck in the middle with me.)
Do you ever start to feel an Invasion of the Body Snatchers moment when you're the odd style out? Do you ever dress to piss someone off? It's stupid of me to do it but the childishness pleases me immensely. I don't have to grow up ever anyway. Have a great week, everyone! Keep on freaking out (in a good way, of course).

I missed Patti's Visible Monday this week at Not Dead Yet Style, but I still see you. And if you haven't yet, check out Linda's incredible styling of the Freakish Yellow Skirt and her photo gallery at Op Shop Mama. Can't. Miss. It. That's all.

PS - Okay, I'm linking up to Share-in-Style: Shoes at Mis Papelicos. You can't see my thrifted crackle leather Miu Miu boots very well in that outfit shot but there are some AWESOME shoes in the YouTube clip.

Sunday, 9 November 2014

Yellow Skirt Freak Show Update!!

flOwErS   e x pl o d i n g   spewing
BuRSTiNG YELLOW Bright LiGHT
with joy in s'miracle of LIFE
from One to Two TWO
happiest warm clouds & sunSHINE to
ethereal   beauty

Linda at


== teeny little feetsies and fingers curl ==
the fuzzy soft of new wee 
Stan
in mama's loving arms.
welcome to the world
G O !   G O  N O W ! ! !
=============================================================




This is new territory for the Travelling Yellow Skirt Freak Show... Despite my best efforts, I feel that Beauty Pageant Moment, which I usually make fun of at every opportunity, when I see Linda in these photos. That's love and joy right there, folks. How cool is it that the skirt was along for part of the ride. Love and hugs to your whole family. How you managed to fit this skirt into your wild ride I'll never know, but I'm glad you did. XO. Linda also includes a mini photo gallery of everyone who has worn the skirt to date.


Monday, 3 November 2014

Man pants and hat attack

Fake Flamenco in man pants at the power station.
STARTLED ROOSTER. i'm having such a good hair day with this ruffled mess nesting on my head I'm squawking my way over to Judith at Style Crone for her latest hat fight, i mean hat attack #16. bring it on, birds. too bad I didn't get a good frontal shot. oh well.

next. piling it high and deep. you can't tell one piece from another. all thrifted.
Aya of Couturgatory wore the Turnip Head on her Twitter. Her own head was refusing public appearances that day. Thanks, Aya! Turnip Head has handed in her resignation to go sing in a nightclub. 
too much perfection to comprehend here, hip-slung man pants with sailor/mime front flap. these pants are from Jesus, his monogram is inside the waistband, hand-made, but the number of buttons is troubling because this flap is the only way in and out. very heavy black linen. i'm in a phase-shift to black & white, with colour bombs in between, obviously. my tux blouse, unironed, as were my thoughts today. i wore my black velvet opera coat on top. i would have worn my black olive oyle army boots with this instead of my shiny brown buckle slip-ons if i had the energy to reach the top shelf. all thrifted of course. and dark red lipstick.

Also, if you missed it, check out Skye's Tacky Manifesto on her blog My Kingdom for a Hat. She writes: "I am Fashion's worst and loudest nightmare, because I refuse to flatter my body at the expense of my soul." Well said. 


MY NEXT POST WILL FEATURE A FREAKISH YELLOW SKIRT UPDATE!

Monday, 20 October 2014

The photos that busted out

If I make my blog photos BIGGER, surely they must be better. Surely I am VISIBLE now. Look out guys at Patti's Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style because I'll be HOGGING the WHOLE PLACE with my HUUUGE photos and BIG FACE.
BIGGER equals BETTER. HUUUGER, HUUUGEST...
Of course you can see me, hear me, smell me if I am moving, loud, bright, and you've caught me just after a mug of strong coffee. B&W works too if it's huuuge. How unutterably annoying it is to see these unprofessional, pixelated photos leaching obnoxiously past the margins into my carefully groomed sidebar.
But this does raise an issue - I've been thinking of w-i-d-e-n-ing my margins. gasp. Seriously.
BAM! BAMM BAMMM!! 
I like the sense of s-p-a-c-e I feel on blogs with a wider margin. Maybe some of YOU have wide margins. GASP!

[Miracle Secrets: Add Inches to Your Margins Overnight and Eat Anything you Like!]
My hair up there reminds me of those newspaper cornstalks we used to make in primary school - just pull for instant vertical extensions. I stretched the image of course; the unadulterated version is the same, minus the head sprout. I don't like the facial expression, but thatsa why I lika, all those little dewlaps doing downward dogs. Wearing DIY bagged-out jeans with eyes on knees, sweeping velvet opera coat, black Olive Oyle army boots (not seen), and some other stuff, forget, not worth it... As long as you can SEE me and SMELL me and WATCH me MOVE in general. [Don't sing that song in your head, you know, the one by The Who that goes, See me, feel me, touch me, heal me...]

THANK YOUS:
Thank you, Sally, of Already Pretty for linking to my post "Trouble posting my face" on your Lovely Links on Friday. That woke up my stats for sure. You can always find a smorgasbord of food for the brain, bod, and soul over there. 
Thanks to Gorgeous Rebecca Harasym of Winnipeg Style for the Vedette Shapewear piece I won in her giveaway a while ago. ALERT: She is giving away a piece every month. Entry is international and the latest deadline is Oct. 26. I'm not showing my faaaabulous piece here (love it!) because it's, well, it's an undie. Normally I'd wear it on the outside but it's not appropriate for this school-marm blog, even though it's pearlescent beige. Or wait till I've finished my drink (see previous post). Rebecca has AWESOME style - I MEAN IT!
FINALLY, thank you, everyone, for your very generous and kind comments on my interview over at Imogen's Inside Out Style blog, her column Stylish Thoughts. It's too funny that just when you think people must be bored by you, opportunities come around and people show up at your door with big smiles. Well, here's big hugs BACK!!!
Have a great week!! I'm knee-deep in words so won't be skipping about quite so much, but you'll be on my mind. (NO NO! Especially don't sing that song by Willie Nelson in your head... Don't DOOONT'T. Relax, don't do it... Gaaa. )


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